Step by Step

Posted on Mon Apr 23rd, 2012 @ 5:48pm by Lieutenant Elizabeth Lynn & Lieutenant Commander Sara Archer

Mission: Heart of an Explorer
Location: Counselor Lynn's Office

[ON]

Sara sat in silence across from Lieutenant Lynn. As ordered, she had reported to her weekly session. As usual, she wasn't really sure what she was supposed to be doing. She was trained to never talk, and now she had a counselor ordering her to spill her guts. It was very conflicting for the young woman. Instead of talking, she usually just sat in silence.

Lieutenant Elizabeth Lynn watched her patient carefully, taking notes all the while. It was apparent that the Intelligence Officer was reluctant to talk, and indeed the nature of her profession made it seem as much a violation of her training as it was an invasion into her privacy. The fact remained, her guarded attitude spoke volumes for the underlying problems that were jeopardizing her health.

"I realize you don't want to be here, Miss Archer. I understand all too well that being in your particular profession makes it less than agreeable to have to open up to anyone, let alone a stranger. It is, however, for your benefit. Whether you think so or not, it can only help if you open up in this environment. If it makes you more comfortable, we can start with little things... pet peeves, things that have been bothering you of a general nature. We can always work toward more serious issues later in the future," Elizabeth said in a calm and controlled voice.

"How can someone who has spent so much of her life silent just open up and talk?" Sara asked, surprising even herself at her sudden question. "I promised my aunt that I would try to be more open, but I don't really know what that means. She said that I should try to find common ground with my colleagues, make friends. The only common ground I have is my work with Starfleet, and most of what I do I can't share. There's nothing else."

"Common ground doesn't simply have to be a professional interest," Lt. Lynn interjected, "I'm sure that you have interests outside of Starfleet that you can share with people. Even something as simple as reading novels can spark off a friendship with others. Most often, I find that it is the little things that people share that bring them closer together and make for much more meaningful friendships."

Sara stayed quiet for a moment before shaking her head. "Not really. Starfleet is my life. When I'm not on a mission, I'm always staying up to date on intelligence reports. I always consider myself on duty."

"And you don't do anything outside of working? You don't go to the gym, you don't do anything in the holodeck, you don't decompress in any way at all?" Liz probed.

"I suppose I do spend time in the gym or the phaser range, but that is for training purposes. I have to be ready for a mission at all times." She honestly thought of it that way, and not of a way to let off steam.

"It may very well have a utilitarian purpose, Ms. Archer, but there are plenty of people who use those things as a springboard to connect with people. I, myself, love to go to the gym on occasion. I can't profess to being good at much more than running and kicking the stuffing out of sparing bags, but it is something we have in common," the Counselor said as she sank back into her chair, "I can point a phaser the right way and mash the fire control, but that's about as far as I get with that. But even there, you have an opportunity to connect with people by helping them with their marksmanship. Believe it or not, that can build relationships as well. You just seem to be looking at these off duty activities from just one angle, which might be where we're running into our barrier."

Sara shook her head. "I've looked at these activities from other angles before, Counselor. I've just never seen much of a point. I've seen building relationships as that it important of a goal. There's never been a point to them. They're just a waste of time."

"Any why do you feel they are a waste of time? Is it because they don't yield instant results? Because they don't seem to be job related?" Lt. Lynn inquired.

"Because every one I ever had was taken from me," Sara responded matter of factually, not realizing that was probably the core of her problems.

"That is the nature of the business," the Counselor said suddenly, "I've had plenty of patients, friends, colleagues, and the like taken from me in one manner or another my entire career. In that respect, you are just like every single person on this ship and in Starfleet. Where you deviate from the rest of us is your willingness to start over, build new foundations for the next friendship. Distancing yourself from everyone will only result in loneliness, Ms. Archer..."

"In my line of work, people tend to get quiet around you. No one wants to talk around a spy, for they are in constant fear that I'd learn some secret about them, even if I am on their side. That only leaves other spies, and they can't necessarily talk about their work. Besides, I've found that the loneliness hurts less than loosing someone important to me. I've been..." Sara stalled, trying to find the right word. "...heartbroken, too many times. I'm not going to let it happen again. I won't let it affect my job again."

Elizabeth leaned forward, "Loneliness may hurt less in the short term, but it's been my own personal experience that it does the most damage over time."

The Counselor sighed and stood up, "There's a million different things I could tell you, most of them out of a text book or some manual I've had to read for this job. And a lot of it is good advice for most people. But in the end I think what you really need is some honest advice. You can't live your life full of regrets... You just can't. The more times you look back on things and ask yourself 'was this really for the best', the more times you'll find yourself saying 'no'. And regret eats away at you more subtly, it makes you doubt yourself. And I think that's a lot of the reason why you don't enter into new friendships now, because you doubt their worth when weighed against what you've already suffered. The harsh reality of all this is... if you don't make a change now, you never will. If you don't try now, it's never going to be any easier. But you have to want to replace that emptiness with something worth while, I can't make you do it. There's no secret formula to it, it just takes effort. And if you want to make that effort, I'll help you however I can. If not, I can't force it on you and I'll just have to stamp out fires as they happen with you."

Liz had gone from behind her desk to a chair caddy corner from Sara in the time she took to get it all out. She sank into the chair and folded her arms across her chest, "You tell me what you want to do. Do you want to try to fix the problem, even if it's only little by little? Or would you rather we simply throw a patch on it and let it fester until we haven't got a patch big enough to cover it up someday?"

Sara sat quietly for a while, letting the counselor's words sink in. She knew that Lynn's eyes were on her, but it didn't bother her. She was too engrossed with the thoughts, the gears turning in her head as she processed the ideas. After a while she turned to the Lieutenant. "How can we fix it?"

"The first thing you need to do is convince yourself that friendships aren't pointless. Until you do that, you're never going to believe it no matter what we do. That's going to take a lot of person reflection, I think. We've already touched on why you feel that way, which is a start. But now you have to reconcile those feelings and rise above them," the Counselor said as she leaned forward.

Liz watched the woman for a moment before an idea hit her, "Tell you what, we'll start off simple. You and I can set a time outside of counseling sessions to meet and do something off hours. Since we've already established we both frequent the gym, we can start with that. Just keep one another company, we don't even have to talk if you don't want to. But it will get you accustomed to having someone around in your off time. Once you get comfortable, you can branch out and spend time with other people, work your way out from there. You can do it at your pace as you feel confident. No pressure, no strings, just you deciding when it's time to expand your horizons. How does that sound?"

Sara looked down at her feet, letting the Counselor's suggest sink in. "Alright," she said reluctantly. "Let's try it."