Operation "Return"

Posted on Thu Jul 2nd, 2009 @ 7:51pm by Commander Acle Walex

Username: Walex8611
Password: ***************

...............

Decrypting...

Classification: Secret

....
....

Stardate: 63107.72

I have returned from my away mission. Although the operation was a success, I lost far to many men. They walked into an ambush. I saw it with my own eyes, five men immolated in seconds. This is hardly the first time that I have lost men... But, never quite like this. Always before each man had been working on the assigned OPORDER individually. I hardly knew them. I have never led a team like this and then lost men. These were men that I have trained with, sparred with, laughed with. As my training has led me in the same path as those men, I have found myself gravitating towards the security, and especially the infintration teams, moreso then the rest of the crew.

It wouldn't have been so bad except for I saw it with my own eyes and I was powerless to stop it.

I will, of course, be okay. I have dealt with survivor's guilt before and triumphed. Moreover, I have dealt with the guilt that comes when a leader loses men, of feeling as if your leadership skills were not enough to overcome the enemy. I have found through my years of working Black OPs and away teams that such is not the case.

Firstly, every member of starfleet joined with the express knowledge that they could be called upon to give thier life for the good of the Federation. Each member chose to accept that possiable consequence, to possiably offer thier life so that others may live in peace. There is not a more noble a thing. To punish oneself over the death of such a person is not only unjust to oneself, but, unjust to the person who gave his life. Such a deed must not be belittled by such doubts.

Secondly, it is impossiable for a leader to be everywhere at once. I think that is why this has hit me so hard. I saw it. If my team had arrived 30, nay, 10 seconds earlier, I would have been able to stop the hostile. Such was not the case, however, and there was nothing that I could have done to change it. Beating up oneself will not change the fact.

Deaths occur in any militant organization, no matter how peaceful the mission. It is a fact of life. Some conflicts, battles, wars, are inevitable. They must be fought for the good of everyone, to maintain peace for the majority, freedom, and rights. This, however, does not change the fact that war is horriable. The price paid for those freedoms and rights can never be repaid.

I will deal with my own demons in my own time. They are not such bad things really, keep us mortals in line.

---End Log.