Aching Hearts

Posted on Sun Aug 5th, 2012 @ 10:40pm by Commander Jordan Gunning & Lieutenant Commander Sara Archer

Mission: Heart of an Explorer
Location: Observation Lounge [Deck 1]

[ON]

Sara kept looking back at her display, fighting with herself. She could tell that Gunning was having problems focusing. His attention was elsewhere, that was obvious, though most people on the ship didn't know why. Sara did, and for the first time in her life, she felt like she shared someone's pain. She finally gave up and left her station, making a bee-line to his chair. "Commander, could I speak with you for a moment in the Observation Lounge?"

Jordan was in Seattle, sitting in the shadow of the Space Needle with his brother as the request from his present drifted across his consciousness. He'd never told anyone that he was able to enforce rapid eye movement, he wasn't even sure that it was an El-Aurian trait. He could always have spoken to Doctor Marx about it but he didn't really want to have the young doctor give him a lobotomy. His eyes opened slowly as he pushed down on the arms of the command chair, "As you wish."

Sara led the way to the conference room, the pair leaving the next duty officer in line in command of the bridge. After the doors closed behind her, she turned to Jordan. "I know that this isn't normally like me, and I know that you haven't told anyone else yet..." She struggled over her words, trying to think about what she wanted to say. "Do you want... I just thought..." Sara took a deep breath. "I'm sorry about your brother."

Jordan looked straight through her. In a way he hadn't heard anything she'd said and in quite another it had touched him to his very core. He had seen her every day for almost three years and on very few occasions had Archer shown any sign that she did anything other than tolerate his presence. Now suddenly here she was, showing genuine concern for his well-being.

He inhaled deeply and brushed gently past her toward the viewing port. His voice was low and lacked much much of the spark that usually punctuated his vernacular. "Thank you, Sara."

She followed him to the viewport. Jordan had kept the news to himself thus far, but part of being a chief intelligence officer means you are privy to terrorist attacks, even when you're as far out as the Delta Quadrant. "I know what it's like to lose family to the line of duty. My father died in a similar attack, and I lost my mother to the Borg. I know that doesn't make it any easier for you, but you don't have to feel alone. I know I did." Her gaze shifted downward to her feet.

The El-Aurian's gaze fixed on a mountain range on the planet's surface. He'd give good money to be on the summit of that mountain. He'd stand there and let the bracing, biting wind wash every emotion he felt away from him.

"I don't feel alone," he said just as quietly as before, "I feel disconnected. I feel powerless. I mean look at us up here waiting to hear back from the away team. I've been sitting in that bloody command chair doing nothing for almost half a day while my assistant kicks about on the planet. If I can't do anything to help my family then I should be able to do something to help my Captain."

He sighed. "I'm just being irrational."

She shook her head. "No. You're just being human. I've spent most of my life pretending I wasn't, pretending that the pain wasn't there. I thought it helped me focus. All it made me was more disconnected. I told myself that that pain was a hindrance, that if I ignored it, it would make be better. I didn't want to feel powerless. I wanted to feel invincible. Sometimes being powerless just reminds us who we are, why we are here. Your brother died doing his duty, defending the way of life that we have fought so hard for. We should remember him by continuing to hold up the ideals he believed in, that my parents believed in."

"I've spent most of my life telling myself that I'm El-Aurian and trying to deny any humanity in me. We're not that different but we have better control, I suppose." He turned and caught the eye of Archer, who was still staring at her boots. "You're right though. We have a duty to their memory now."

Sara looked back up and caught Jordan's eye. She stared back intently for what felt like an eternity. Looking at him brought back a lot of memories of Allen, memories that she wasn't ready to relive. She shook her head and turned back to the planet in front of her. "We owe them that much," she said, her voice a little shaken as a lone tear rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, trying to regain her stoic composure before Jordan noticed, but it was too late.

His mind was a riot of conflicting thoughts. He didn't have a clue how to react to seeing Archer cry. He put his hand out and found it resting on her shoulder. He didn't feel in control of his movements and found his hand slowly wiping the tear from her cheek. Something about seeing her humanity on full display brought him back to himself. "Don't worry, Sara." He said, his voice no louder than it had been before. "I won't tell anyone you're human."

She gave a quiet laugh as a couple more tears filled her eyes. "Thank you," she said quietly, her cheeks a sudden shade of red.

His thumb was suddenly wet with his friend's tears as he realised his hand was still on her cheek. It snapped back to his side before he knew what he was doing. "It's the least I can do."

Sara coughed, her attention being brought back to the mission at hand. "I think we had a good discussion, Commander. If you ever want to talk further, feel free to ask."

His voice picked up slightly as he slumped into a chair at the head of the table. "I will, thank you."

[OFF]

Commander Jordan Gunning
Chief Of Security

Lieutenant Commander Sara Archer
Chief Of Intelligence
USS Iapetus